


open the door (open your heart)

by ninthdreamie



Series: the squirrel and his dearest acorn [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Inspired by the fact that jeno can't say i love you back to nana, Jaemin is always there for him, Jeno has trust issues, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 10:18:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15046736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninthdreamie/pseuds/ninthdreamie
Summary: Jeno finds it hard to love, but Jaemin is willing to stay all throughout.





	open the door (open your heart)

“Jeno-yah.”

 

“Yep?”

 

“I love you.”

 

Jaemin lets the words slip easily with a grin on his face, and Jeno couldn’t find it in himself to say it back.

 

Before he is given the chance to at least try and stutter them out, Jaemin leaves their shared dorm and Jeno is left alone again.

**

Jeno admits that he has issues, and it involves relationships, and commitment, and the like. When he watched his mom leave his dad with her wedding ring, it felt like the whole world stopped spinning for him.

 

His mom didn’t even bother to tell them why she did what she did, and she even glared at her own son before she walked out the door. Back when he was a kid, he didn’t understand what that look meant. As he grew older, he realized that glare meant she didn’t love them anymore.

 

Since then, Jeno started to believe that nothing does last forever. Heck, his parents swore by the altar that they would be there for each other until the day they died, but his mom didn’t stay for long. What more if he gets into a relationship and his significant other leaves him, throwing all shared promises away like it was nothing?

 

He liked to spare himself from the inevitable heartbreak. As much as he grew to love Jaemin more than he thought he would, he convinced himself that what they have is temporary, and he’ll get left behind one day.

 

So he distances himself from him, and it unexpectedly hurts more than getting left behind.

**

It’s one of those nights when Jeno gets caught up in his past and beats himself up for it, wandering to nowhere and putting himself in danger. He wonders why Jaemin puts up with all the bullshit he’s been pulling, because if he were in his shoes, he won’t hesitate to break up with himself.

 

Jeno’s a crying mess on the streets, hugging his knees close to his chest because it feels like the day his mom left him and his dad all over again. He met her earlier in the grocery; he was just there to buy the ingredients Jaemin asked him to for their dinner, but he couldn’t forget what he saw.

 

His mom had another husband and child, and when he tried reaching out to her just to say hi, she brushed past him like they were strangers. It’s like she was never his mother, and it hurt like hell.

 

Which is why he’s here right now, wondering what he did wrong for his mom to leave him. Was he too playful or too loud when he was just a kid? Was it because he often caused trouble in school and the principal called him often for it? These are just trivial things, but who knows, maybe that’s why his own mother hates him right now.

 

Out of the blue his phone rings, and he answers it. “Jeno-yah, where are you?” When he heard Jaemin’s voice, it felt like a comforting rub on his back.

 

Jeno doesn’t even try to hide his sobs anymore, his voice cracking as he tells his boyfriend where he is. It didn’t take long enough for him to come, as soon as he saw the rubber shoes he often wore outside with his tear-filled eyes. When Jaemin kneeled down in front of him, he was reluctant to reach out, because he was thinking of him doing the same thing his mom did to him.

 

He knows Jaemin is far from what she is, but it’s just so hard not to think of the worst case scenario.

 

Jaemin doesn’t say anything. He helps Jeno up from the ground and they walk back to their shared dorm with unstable feet.

 

The silence is anything but comforting. Jeno wants to push Jaemin away because he thinks he’ll leave him but at the same time, he wants to pull him closer just so he won’t be out of his sight. Whatever he’s feeling, it’s complicated.

 

When they get back inside their dorm, the first thing Jeno does is run to the bathroom. He locks the door before Jaemin could even get inside, and as soon as he sees his reflection in the mirror, his lips start to quiver and he drops to his knees again.

 

“Jeno-yah, please talk to me.”

 

“Stop acting like you care.” Jeno pleads, pressing his back closer to the door. “If you’re sick of me, just leave.” Spitting those words felt like stabbing his own chest, but again, he’s doing himself a favor. It’s to save himself from the heartbreak, he tells himself in his head.

 

When he heard nothing, he told himself that Jaemin left and he wasn’t coming back to check on him. Jeno proceeds to cry again over how helpless he is, until he heard his boyfriend speaking from outside.

 

“I’m not leaving you.” Jaemin’s words make its way to Jeno’s brain. “Just tell me you’re okay.”

 

“I’m so sorry.” Jeno murmurs, and his voice echoes throughout the bathroom.

 

“Please open the door, Jeno-yah.” To Jeno, it sounded like something else, and it scared him more because of what he thought it meant.

 

“I’m not going to.”

 

“Look, Jeno, I don’t know what happened to you before. I don’t know why you’re so distant and I gotta be honest, it hurts me. But if you can let me hear you out, then I will know what to do so I won’t hurt you.” Jaemin sounded sadder than he was, and Jeno felt his heart break all the more for he knows that the younger loved him so much and all he ever wanted for him was to be happy. “But please let me in. Let me give you a big hug, tell me all your biggest fears… _open your heart to me_ , Jeno.”

 

Opening his heart is something he never did. His best friend Donghyuck doesn’t even know this, neither does his dad. He keeps the pain to himself because he didn’t want to look so weak in front of the people he cares about. This is the first time someone ever saw him breaking down, and it had to be Na Jaemin.

 

Na Jaemin, the boy with the most beautiful heart, the boy who effortlessly makes falling in love something not scary, the boy who never stopped caring for him even if he pushed him away countless times.

 

“You can trust me, Jeno-yah.”

 

Jeno still doubts his words. “Are you sure?”

 

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t stop showing how much I liked you for two years.” Jaemin lets out a chuckle after he said that, to ease the depressing atmosphere. “I don’t wanna lose you now, Jeno.”

 

If Jaemin is ready to be with him in his lowest, then Jeno wants to do the same too. But that means letting his walls down, exposing his biggest fears and insecurities, and getting ready to have his heart broken.

 

But for now, he feels a little brave. He screws the pessimistic future running through his head, because Jaemin has already proven himself to be the worthy owner of his heart too many times.

 

Jeno gets up from the floor, and turns the doorknob with his shaky hands.

 

Jaemin immediately pulls him out of the bathroom, and into his warm embrace. His hugs are one of the things that calms Jeno down, making his mind feel at ease, and he cherishes it all the more. The warmth from his hug is assuring him that he’ll be there, and that he isn’t leaving anytime now.

 

“I love you, Jeno.”

 

Perhaps Jaemin is worth the inevitable heartbreak, Jeno thinks.

 

“I love you, Jaemin.”

**Author's Note:**

> so, this drabble is inspired by the common knowledge among us nomin stans that jeno can't even say "i love you" back to jaemin. idk why, but i thought of something angsty. if u liked it give it a kudos and if u felt it, drop a comment! comments make me feel warm inside uwu
> 
> anyways! talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ninthdreamie) or drop an ask about it on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/shiningnomin)


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